the end of the world

(Scene: an arid plain in what used to be Egypt. THE ALIEN wanders on, wearing a protective suit and respirator that looks like a pharaoh’s headdress. Checks the atmosphere with a wrist gadget, then tentatively takes the headdress off. Crouches, takes a handful of sand, and watches it play through the fingers of their glove as sad music starts to play)

INTRO: What can you say / when your love’s gone away / and the only thing left is a memory? / where do you go / when the love you used to know / has been burned up by nuclear weaponry? / you made your choices – that’s understood / we had our moment and the moment was good / but now that we’re here and the planet’s baked clay / I’ve stopped by / for a while / just to say …

I’ve … been …

… here all along
with science and song
and loved you fulfilling yourselves
you were clever enough
but it was never enough
to keep you from killing yourselves
I guess I should’ve known
the project was blown
when you used my knowledge for ill
my tech getting weaponised
I’d never have recognised
the madness inside you, but still
we had such a time
as I brought you on line
to civilisation from primordial slime
now it’s such a damned shame
you’ve gone up in flames
your beautiful planet
a scorched pomegranate…

(THE ALIEN breaks down, wipes away a tear. Eventually recovers itself to continue)

so … this … is … the …

hardest of divorces
of course it’s
quite true
and the problem
we’d gotten
was always me
not you
I thought you’d be cool
with my alien tools
I brought you in BCE 3202

and those pyramids
we did
so the spaceships were hid
were funny as hell
and the codes as well
cute and absurd
all those beetles and birds

but the cones got blown up
and the grown-ups
flew doughnuts
and the whole world went so nuts
and smoked the place overnight

as I watched from Andromeda
the dreadful phenomena
and couldn’t believe
the feed from my thermometer

but…

What can you say / when your love’s gone away / and the only thing left is a memory? / where do you go / when the love you used to know / has been burned up by nuclear weaponry?

(Somewhere an alarm starts to sound. THE ALIEN takes one sad look around, then hurries off)

There was a poo bag by the side of the woodland path / lime green / easily seen / you couldn’t miss it / maybe they intended to pick it up on the return visit / but then, no / the way these things usually go / I don’t think so / I think they were hoping someone else would deal with it, y’know? / their precious dog’s effluvio / passively aggressively making the point / they’d like more poo bins around the joint / like a poo theme park / more bin less bark / maybe the odd tree here and there / to make it nice & sweeten the air

so here was my dilemma / do I leave it in the hope they come back later? / or do I carry it myself to the bins in the rec? / what the heck / although, I have to say / it is actually quite a way / to sashay / with a lime green handbag of poo / swinging nonchalantly by the side of you

so I’m ashamed to say / my squeamishness got the better of me today / I left it in situ / and submit to / your judgement / and my lack of environmental de-fudgement

But does it really matter what I do or say / if I carry the poo now or leave it for another day? / it’s not going to stop the rainforests burning / the drill bits turning / the microplastics churning / in the gizzards and the guts / of the leatherback turtles and the guillemots / the droughts, the floods / the cataracts of mud / the superbugs / fat bergs / skinny icebergs / rampaging cyborgs / carrying out their military instructions / for the surgical reductions / of human populations / and a hundred other dystopic situations /

I mean / according to Queen / in Bohemian Rhapsody / existentially / Nothing Really Matters / because at the end of time when everything scatters / and we’re caught changing seats like a trillion Mad Hatters / at the Tea Party / at the End of the World / everything will get scooped and tagged / in one gigantic / galactic / sanitary / interplanetary / super-pooper bag / and tossed with everything we thought we’d lost and won / into the indifferent heart of an imploding sun

I mean – one poo bag’s not going to swing it / is it? / it’s just a little bit of shit / in a shady glade / in a shiny green poo bag that will never degrade /

(why the hell they didn’t just flick / the shit / with a stick / into the undergrowth / I don’t know)