letters home

Dear Penelope
it’s me
sorry it’s been hideous
the Trojan war
was a bore
but we won it with a big toy horse
stuffed with soldiers first of course
the Trojans
had mixed emotions
wheeled it through the gate
heard the giggling but it was too late
and that was that
so now I’m done and heading back
it shouldn’t take long to get to Ithaca
a beautiful southerly is filling the spinnaker
can’t wait to see both you and the kid
and tell you all the things I did
(although ‘sacked Troy, came home’
hardly makes for an epic poem)

welcome to the island

[Aeaea is pronounced Ay-Ee-Ah; Circe is pronounced Sir-See]

[Enter CIRCE, to greet ODYSSEUS at the gates of her island mansion]

Welcome, welcome to Aeaea!
the island of vowels
that sounds like the howl
of a hungry wolf or hyena

Welcome, welcome to Aeaea!
it’s really SO lovely to see yah
You’re off on a quest?
I’ll do my best
to follow you on social Medea (….it’s a Greek joke, Odysseus… lighten up… she’s my niece, fer chrissakes….)

Odysseus, Odysseus!
Why so mysterious?
C’mon – whaddya think about pigs?
D’you like them squealing
not so appealing?
d’you like them stinking and big?
I feed mine
on treachery
and lust
and despair
and I plait their tails
and I comb their hair
and stuff them full of the most succulent figs!
honestly, Odysseus – the worst thing I did
was spoil them like kids
I’ve got specialist tailors
who dress them like sailors
so don’t be surprised
if you stare in their eyes
and think you see someone
who looks like you guys
Imagine if that could be true!
Imagine if that could be YOU!
Wouldn’t THAT be a lovely surprise?

I’m Circe
here at your bidding & tender mercy
dinner’s served sharp
at the sound of the harp
you’ll hear the girls play at eight thirty