Dear Penelope
it’s me
Odysseus
sorry it’s been hideous
the Trojan war
was a bore
but we won it with a big toy horse
stuffed with soldiers first of course
the Trojans
had mixed emotions
wheeled it through the gate
heard the giggling but it was too late
and that was that
so now I’m done and heading back
it shouldn’t take long to get to Ithaca
a beautiful southerly is filling the spinnaker
can’t wait to see both you and the kid
and tell you all the things I did
(although ‘sacked Troy, came home’
hardly makes for an epic poem)