status update XXIX

ding dong bell / truss is in the well / who put her in / where do I begin? / some southern white voters / hedgefund bloaters / who assemble in Henley in blazers and boaters / and who pulled her out? / someone who needs paying a considerable amount

then Lear staggers in saying howl howl howl / how’ll I pay these utility bills? / cordelia? regan? goneril? / trust me he’s lost it / he had a working kingdom but he tossed it / drew a red line and crossed it / and now all he’s got is a freezing heath / some Primark sacking with nothing underneath / a stack of debt and rack of bad teeth / if he rages on much longer we’ll call the police

even though it’s such a hassle / we organise to storm the castle / so we hire a knight / who seems alright / his lance is chancey but his steed’s got fight / and he snaps down his visor and salutes the crowd / then clanks through the arch to do us all proud / and finds the dragon / out in the garden / guarding its hoard / with a sulphurous grin and a bunch o’claws / and the knight says right! and straightaway charges / and the dragon amply demonstrates what large is / and it’s over before it began / the knight stamped flat as a baked bean can / he had no chance / as the dragon burps and picks its teeth with his lance / and pretty soon the whole sky is filled with wings / all manner of dreadful, predatory things / but that’s what you get when you vote for brexit / now form a queue and head for the exit

if anyone knows of any lawful impediment / why we shouldn’t dump the poor in some offshore sediment / let them speak now or forever hold their peace / and make a donation of a million at least

status update XXI

I’m the snores not applause / at the end of the Blackpool Tory chorus / shaken awake and stampeding for the doors / too little Capricorn, too much Taurus / the clean up bill enormous / corporate fraud & tax avoidance / cockiness next to godliness / now – it’s all been rather nice / but I see you’re missing the old school tie / so here’s some advice / run for the gates and don’t think twice / I’ll count to five…

I’m checking the CCTV from time to time / counting all the robots waiting in line / system code like nursery rhymes / programmed to believe in better times / circuit soup, nuts & bolts pie

Eat less, do more – is THAT what your message is? / There needs no ghost, come from the grave, To tell me this / anyway – for your information? / I’ve already had that conversation / relax, max / I got the app / every last crumb of that cake is mapped

Words flail me / assail & nail me / totally top n’tail me / my pen impales me / Vlad the Impaler’s smiling – that twisted ol’ cat / but he misses the point and I turn him down flat / I’d do anything for love (but I won’t do that)

I’m the snail of failure slowly going crazy / dreaming of home but my memory’s hazy / draggin’ my slimy ass to the line / the world on my back the whole goddamn time

I’m Donald Trump / slumped / waving top of the garbage dump / Make America Great Again! / yeah? – well it’s been grating constantly since way back when

I’m Dishy Rishy in fiscal drag / dipping for lippy in a Gucci bag / leaning back, lighting a fag / saying l’m shagged / I’m like – totally done with your poverty / your endless talk of economic robbery / inequality / but you see? / what really bothers me? / your hair’s a mess and your shoes a monstrosity / now get the hell off my adorable property

Give us this day our daily bread / a car for the drive and a gun for the bed / you wished on a star and got this shit instead

La Lista Cabinista

Pasta boris putinesca:
corrupted with unsavoury sauce
served supine with
bunga bunga rolls & hand-pressed oligarchs

Cannelloni rishi sunacci
half baked in a mega rich ragu
served sincerely with
a faux, instaready salad

Gnocchi di mogg
deathly dumplings in a cruel victorian gravy
served drab in
a grudge of brexity grits

Ravioli di raab
pillows of pointlessness
served blank in
a thick, regretful roux

Rigatoni con la patel
cold tubes of bureaucracy
served harsh with
a terrine of lifejackets & channel water

Fettuccine dorries
wretched strands of confusion
served wild in
a stagger of embarrassing relish

Lasagna alla truss
layers of contact sheets marinaded in self-regard
served pert
with a selection of hats

Spaghetti alla shapps
a tangle of bland
served P&O
on a plate