on the (not so) express

A young couple in the seats behind me

‘God! This train is sooo  S L O W. It’s stopping at every stop.’
‘It said it was the express.’
‘Well – it shouldn’t have.’’
‘It won’t take long, Cas. We’re almost there.’
‘Why’d we get this one?’
‘I don’t think it’s that slow. Look at all that shit. It’s flying past.’
‘Jesus Christ, I’ve never been on such a slow train. And this chair’s digging my back.’
‘Do you know what? I had a look in first class, and the only thing I can see any different is they have cloths to put your head on.’
‘I wouldn’t pay extra for that. To go a bit faster, may be. Look at the trees. I can see them growing.’
‘Not every train’s a rocket, Cas.’
A normal speed train’d be nice.’
‘Hey – look! I sent this txt, yeah? Instead of saying you do it came out do you. It looked like I was saying I wanted to do her.’
‘Predictive text. You’ve got to watch it. You want to say one thing and you end up saying something sooowrong.’
‘Predictive text. I love it!’
‘Predictably crap.’
I want to do you. Classic.’
‘Fucking hell, this train.’

2 thoughts on “on the (not so) express

  1. I’m not claiming the credit for this,but…..

    The inventor of predictive text has died.

    His funfair will be hello on sundial.


  2. Sorry Jack – didn’t pick up your comment till today (I know – v slack).
    Love that story (wherever it came from). There’s got to be loads of dreadful misunderstandings because of the vagaries of predictive text. If only it wasn’t so useful!


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