dear doctor
sorry to bother ya
but every month
I dunno – I just kinda slump
get a rough and rumbly feeling in the rump
go fiercely cold, then hot
then roll around a lot
grow these four, enormous paws
with crazy cutlery claws
and a stack of teeth so appalling
I can’t wait to go tearing and mauling
so I crash straight outta doors
run around the moors
till I wake up at dawn
exhausted on the lawn
covered in blood and random carrion
even though I’m strictly vegetarrion
and I’m very worried because
I think this might be the menopause

: : : thoughts?