pumpkin jim

I wanted to carve the best pumpkin ever
something so horribly, wickedly clever
that the hordes of glow-sticked trick-or-treaters
the super-excited candy eaters
would suddenly stop and whisper and point
at the terrible vision illuminating the joint

I wanted more than the usual thing
the triangular eyes, the saw-toothed grin
I wanted something that growled and jeered,
that chuckled and heckled, snorted and sneered
I wanted a vision of absolute hell
that would stop them ringing the goddamn bell

So I picked up my knife and I got straight to it
sawing and scooping and clawing through it
casting behind me a fiendish shadow
like a hell-bent, Halloween Michelangelo
creating an alternative Sistine Chapel
where God hands Adam a poisoned apple

But suddenly everything started to spin
the pumpkin gaped and I fell right in
and when I came to I was staring at the face
of the pumpkin man who had taken my place
and I started to scream but my screams were hid
when he carefully settled the pumpkin lid

He reached through my mouth, lit my light
patted my skin and whispered goodnight
carried me outside, put me on the wall
then hurried back in to spy on it all
I cried out for help, I rattled and rocked
– the kids just laughed, then buzzed and knocked

(but hey – it’s okay – it’s their modus operandi
they’re totally focused on scoring candy)

Happy Halloween!

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