My dearest Dracula,

I admit – for a while it was quite spectacular
but did you REALLY have to go sneaking around like that
flipping through the window like a brilliantined bat
howling like a wolf
on the roof
or a dog
in the fog
and – the real bust –
elemental dust
ELEMENTAL DUST!
I’m completely nonplussed!
So yes – okay – you’re a transmutational sensation
and yes – yawn – you’re a master of protean creation
a victory of hope over cremation
but – my honest opinion?
save the capey capers for your bloodless minions
THEY might be impressed with all that flapping about
ME? I’ve fallen out of love with your pointy pout
I want a
monster
with a little more bite
not some creep who keeps out of the light
and only come out of his coffin at night
sure – you’re handsome and muscular
but just a tiny bit dead and way too crepuscular

hope you’re well

yours in Christ

Jonathan