I. And Jesus came back / in a pair of off-rack / khaki slacks / sandals and an Eastpak backpack / and sayeth Hallelujah! / then shruggeth and taketh an uber / way across town to The Barracuda

II. For He Googleth a club to make his appearance / to the twelve hipster beardy descendents / of his erstwhile, ancient New Testament adherents / who verily didst struggle to make a late diary clearance / and wondreth what he wouldst say about his long disappearance

III. Outside the club the queue was heaving / only getting in with the same number leaving / all the thrilling throng believing / they wouldst totally have a blissed out evening

IV. And Jesus didst glow transcendently white / as he walked towards the UV light / and asketh the centurions on the door if they might / please check the list and say it was alright / for him to go into the club that night

V. And the crowd didst fall most wondrously silent / fully expecting the scene to turn violent

VI. Sorry, mate – no sandals sayeth the guy / Blessed are the Sockless was Jesus’ reply / Okay Yeah Whatever he sighed / But them’s the rules and thou’st gottest comply

VII. And lo! the disciples didst suddenly rock up / in a smoky old chariot they’d clumsily knocked up / from a flat-bed pickup truck they’d stocked up / with a few dozen loaves and some tuna they’d boxed up

VIII. And Jesus did bid the crowd to sit / and lectureth them through a ram’s horn for a bit / about sharing and caring and other hippy shit / and he did comfort the weary and heal the sick / then bid the disciples get to it / passing out bread so the crowds could chew it

IX. And verily! didst the throng soon forget / they’d been queuing for hours as they devour’d the baguette / and rued their misspent time with regret / and yet / Jesus lay down on the pavement and wept

X. My club! My club! Why hast thou forsaken me? / Peter looked down on Him vacantly / asketh if he didst come upon the venue mistakenly

XI. And the crowd grew restive and borderline hysterical / and wondreth if the hippy were insulin diabetical / and they cried to heaven for help paramedical

XII. And blue lights flashed on the distant horizon / and an ambulance arrived in a blaze of siren / and taketh Him to the Golgotha Hospital environ

XIII. And an oxygen mask was put upon his head / as they transferred him onto the hospital bed / and the disciples didst struggle to hear the words He said / till the nurses asked them to wait outside instead

XIV. And thrice the ER nurse didst struggle / to get some blood but got in a muddle / and Jesus only smiled and thanked him for his trouble

XV. And 72 hours didst he stay confin’d in the room / while consultants debated his case via Zoom / their desks with the curious case notes strewn / as they busily review’d his prognosis with gloom / and their waking hours it didst consume / and thought it might be Lupus but you couldn’t assume

XVI. And lo! the blue curtains were torn asunder! / and the Emergency Room was rocked with thunder / and the nurses and porters looked on in wonder / as Jesus leapt up and donneth a runner

XVII. The Disciples hath picked over this lesson a lot / with all the theological brains they’d got / but in the end it was a big so-what / clubs are messy, man, Messiah or not