The Colonel
Bags of snap
wear with a cap
makes you want to march about
definitely a beard you can do without

The Shovel
Sharp, flat, not much trouble
starch it for clearing snow and rubble

The Nonsense
Half stubble, half chaff
Some love it, most laugh
strictly for those
with expensive clothes

The Octopus
Tentacles flying left and right
a sucker lover’s deep delight
unless you’re able to constantly wet it
forget it

The Glitch
The kind of beard a bot would knit
from cable ties or some such shit

The Hadron Kaleidoscope
Weirdly hyperactive
unnaturally attractive
sprouts in one particular spot
then moves around an awful lot

The Brexit
British Empire reminiscent
looks like hair but sadly isn’t

The Pocket Politician
Long, luxurious hirsute monster
maintain it with a generous sponsor