Once there was a king called Midas
a notorious tight ass
who loved gold more than anything
ending up spending
his whole life inspecting
all the krugerrands he was collecting
counting them in giant hoppers
stacking them in iron coffers

then Dionysus
sayeth unto Midas
mate – you’ll give yourself dermatitis
find yourself a healthier hobby
this gold love’s giving you a flabby body
no said Midas
I’m sorry but I don’t need you to guide us
it’s only gold these days excites us

so Dionysus
spaketh with his advysus
and offereth Midas
one big wish
to teach him the evils of being rich
and Midas said he wanted everything he touched
to turn to gold, thanks very much

and lo!
(an old Greek way of saying so)
Dionysus gave the godly nod to go
and whaddya know
everything suddenly went 24 carat
from his wife and daughter to a pomegranate
Midas couldn’t believe his luck
I mean – sure, he can’t eat – but what the actual?