I’m phantom, pixie, banshee, daemon / chasing sticks in the holiday season

I’m Rip Van Winkle, Dick Van Dyke / Doris Trump on a square-wheeled bike / wobbling off to Capitol Hill / to steal hot pies from the windowsill

I’m Death Wish starring Boris Bronson / pistolled-up and acting wanton / gurning when the perps turn round / waving his hands till his pants fall down

I’m a no-good, drunken, deadbeat dancer / staggering on and releasing his partner / who flies off into the orchestra pit / then sues my ass for quite a bit

I’m a dumbo Colombo, examinin’ the shenanigans / between Kif and Leela, Fry and Brannigan

I’m a Bullingdon-born nod of approval / sanctioning banks for the immediate removal / of any principled, government advisors / so we can syphon funds and you’re none the wiser

so now it’s 2023?
never shake thy gory locks at me
use head & shoulders, then we’ll see