Give us this day our dalai lama / pope-shaped soap, hindu dharma / hide n’sikh, less is mormon / C of E with added sermon / holy wars, anointed airmen / clear to land on runway heaven / St Peter there to wave you straight / to drivers with named harps waiting at the gate / but I’m sorry to burst your holy bubble / religion’s a pill to keep you out of trouble / so bow when the king rides, look the other way / work all week and Sundays pray / it’s the natural order, do your bird / you’re here to work, not stand and be heard / didn’t you know? in the beginning was the word / and I’m sorry to say the word was hard / but when you’re dead you’ll get your reward

I rise to the bait like a shark with the shakes / thrashing and splashing whatever it takes / to swallow the hook, break the boat / fisherman, shark, eukaryote

dad was a doctor, mum was a clerk / I’m tired of thinking, scared of the dark / all I need is a little black cat / a smart wooden ship and a treasure map / compass, cutlass, dreams to guide me / and when I’m done a lie to hide me

balloon dog storms the best in show / owners joyous but whaddya know / when the judges wave him onto the podium / they pin a rosette and the dog explodium

I’m a junkyard jesus on a wonky cross / of broken needles and bottle tops / when suddenly a dodgy local tradesman / roars into view on his harley davidson / leathers say resurrection chapter / round a smiling white-winged velociraptor / he stands there smoking at the foot of the mound / scratching his head and looking around / hey, I call down, why’d ya do this? / he flexes his bicep, tat says Judas

I’m back of an ambulance running south / a needle for my vein, a mask for my mouth / it’s always the same, rhyme over reason / open heart then open season / it’s how shit works, generally speaking / is that my knee or my conscience creaking?

take your pills and learn the four step / waltz outside and clap on your doorstep / money for bosses not money for nurses / save your sermons for the empty churches / poor lil’ nowheres – so bereft! / took a hard right when they shoulda turned left / property good, proper wages theft / shut the hell up, your betters know best