poems

response to another rejection letter

~ jim clayton ~ 2 Comments

Dear Whoever,

C’mon! I AM the droid you’re looking for / I’m Shelley Duvall behind the door / I’m Liam Neeson using the hard shoulder / I’m Harrison Ford outrunning a boulder / I’m a zombie standing on an elevator / who’s still there when you come back half an hour later / I’m the Pied Piper playing for one deaf rat / who nods as if he’s happy with that / I’m the butcher, the baker, the manuscript maker / I’m the cook, the thief, his wife, and a whole lot of other fakes / I’m the lady with the head full of snakes / who rinses and rinses but never quite convinces / I’m the baby alien that didn’t make it past the vest / I’m the original scream test / I’m Eliot Mess / and The Unworkables / I’m Gene Kelly and The Untwerkables / I’m Childish Gambino in a casino with a bambino / quoting Italo Calvino / cool & smart & he knows it / super cool till he blows it / I’m the Leastest Showman / I’m The Snowman / walking in the air till he doesn’t / I’m the Wizard of Oz that Wozn’t / I’m Toto, breaking outta the basket / I’m the witch pedalling like fury after it / I’m King Kong in a party thong / climbing entirely the wrong kinda tower / hurt by all the fire power / and stuff / trying to act like he’s big & bad enough / but even gnat bites have a cumulative effect / and you know the beast is gonna get wrecked / but hey / whatever / it’s inevitable as the weather / you just gotta learn to roll with the punches / organise some working lunches / and literary aspiration? / tough question / sometimes I feel like a skull on the windowsill / where Shakespeare maybe dabbed his quill / he probably had some better receptacle / but it didn’t make quite such an arresting spectacle

hoping all’s good with you &c

yours in limbo

sig

lord of the money

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

c’mon / you can’t blame a guy for trying / for simply going forth and multiplying / I think you’ll find it’s in the good book / or was, last time I looked / and yes, d’uh! I know about the camel and the needle / but I don’t think they were thinking of this indiveedle / and anyways, hey – these days any kinda mammal / can pass through anything, including a camel / they haven’t yet made a small enough lumen / to keep out this particular brand of human / with an offshore account / for undisclosed amounts / a rack of ties from the usual schools / I’m sorry, mister – I don’t make the rules / I only abuse ‘em / morals slow you down, so lose ‘em / the simple fact is, his chance came along and he seized it / he reached up, picked the damned fruit and he squeezed it / felt the holy juice trickle down his arm / and he was so impressed he bought the farm / started a dynasty / financed an amnesty / started all kinds of funds and trusts / everything sprinkled with fairy dust

but hey! how your eyes move, man / they sparkle and burn / put me on your shoulder so I can learn / I’ll ride along tame as your favourite monkey / laughing at all the failures and flunkies / look at ‘em all, flailing around down there! / they’re so clueless man it’s hard to care / didn’t no-one tell ‘em, life is a butter dream / a gated house for the dairy queen / your mission – if you decide to accept it / teach me about feudalism and how to resurrect it / they won’t care, they’re far too steady / look at ‘em! they’re halfway there already / but hey / anyway / who cares what they say? / fake it till you make it, darling / have another can of carling / but not so much you can’t do the work / at the checkouts, pumps, hospitals or whatever / get used to it, you’ll be there forever / whilst overhead, the moneyed elite / cruise at an attitude of thirty thousand feet /

anyway, the systems working, don’t knock it / it’s a full time job keeping governments in your pocket / the die is cast, you’ve paid up front / so get back to work you shiftless so and so

raw poem

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

they shall grow not old / as we that are left grow old / they shall not wear so much braid on their shoulders they walk with a stoop / nor watch The World at War in Colour on a loop / they shall no longer be exposed to politicians / and their endless manipulations / of the headline-loving populations / carefully kept in ignorostasis / herded together on a regular basis / to ratify the next conflagration / monitored by an international elite / the world quite literally at their feet / idly dropping crumbs of daily news / to ensure no diminution of the queues / outside the recruitment centres / (apart from a few dissenters / who chewed themselves free of their cable placentas) / in the certain knowledge that when War arrives / they’ll be down in their bunkers with their servants and wives / feasting on canned potato dauphinoise / playing supranational charades / liking viral videos of a photogenic kid in cammo / demonstrating creative ways to personalise ammo / his nationalistic fervour quite incomparable / keen to lie in some corner of a foreign field that will be forever arable / ploughed in with a deal of intelligent ordnance / zoning-in on his Twitter coordinates

they shall not use their mobile phones / to distract from the fact they are actually alone / they shall not hastily lick ice creams around the stick / melting in the fallout double-quick

they shall not be celebrated / & consecrated / in a fancy, brassy box / by an eminent geezer in ermine and fox / all the politicians sweltering in black / the flag-waving crowds out back / smoking / laughing and joking / he was such a cussed ol’ stick / well meaning but a bit thick

no

they fell in vast number / neatly diced as a sainsbury’s cucumber / by a rigorously tested range of machines / that made a killing on the market for such things

trumbo flies in

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

thank you all so very much / you’re tremendous / my love for you is endless / (check my feed / you’ll see) / so c’mon! clap your hands! throw confetti! / say the magic word: covfefe! / you’re about to see me flap my ears and start flyin’ / well, c’mon! you can’t blame an elephant for trying / you gotta think big – no, bigger than that / in a kiss-me-quick hat and a baseball bat / a grin like you wouldn’t believe / just ask steve / wait – wha’d’ya mean? where is he? / a live action film of my life by Disney? / well I wouldn’t give a rat’s arse to see that crap / tell him I want the feather back / I’ll find another mouse for my hat / meanwhile / way, way, wayway down / all those crazy numbnuts running around / bunch of clowns / funny fire engine sounds / sirens wailing / buckets chucked / hoses flailing / fifty ladders propped in midair / going nowhere / a wall made of sponge bricks / a hundred other tricks / one playing another like an accordion / a little waterboarding / rounding each other up in a humane way / with Breitbart water bombs / squirters from the NRA / but snipers in diapers – it’s the clown’s concern / some people are just too stupid to learn / okay – Theresa? this isn’t working / I’d better help out with some aerial twerking / no? / don’t like the show? / well – my schoolmarmy friend, plenty millions do / no-one cares about you / I’m the biggest draw in the history of me / so let the people see, and be awed / let the trumpets play and the violins sawed / let the floodlights find me way up here at the top / one helluva view, one helluva drop / and whilst I admit I haven’t done it yet / I’ve never been scared of getting wet / so shut your pipe holes, freaks / I’ve been practising this for weeks / the show’s not over till the pachyderm sings / and this one’s got wings / so what – are we good to go? / shall I go now? / okay – it’s a go / enjoy the show
who the hell cares what happens below

grand designs

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

there was none of this: where are you mate?
you’re already a day late with them bluestones
I can’t afford to have everyone
standing around scratching their arses with antler picks
there weren’t no portakabins, no snobby accountants
sipping their earl greys, shaking their heads
over a scale model so hokey my sheila’s dwayne
coulda done better with his tub of lego
they didn’t have no kangol cases
no telescopic cranes, no geezers in yellow jackets
hard hats, unlaced Caterpillars,
lolling about, laughing
raising their mugs, shouting oy-oy saveloy
when the gaffer leans out of his landrover
red faced, tapping his watch

there was none of that

it’s like that kevin mcloud off the telly
I can imagine what he’d say

‘when they told me
they wanted to build
a temple to the sun
a vast stone wagon wheel, if you will
slap-dab in the middle of Salisbury plain
using monstrous, nine ton blocks
hewn from the earth
with the simplest of tools
floated down from Wales
hammered into shape with rocks
hauled into position with a bunch of mates
and a few hundred feet of homemade rope
I would’ve said to them
with the greatest of respect
Are you completely insane?
But here we are
five thousand years of Grand Designs later
the old stone wheel’s still standing
the rays of the solstice sun still
tip over the horizon
to illuminate the hub of this mad,
magical, monumental construction
really, you’d have to say
in anyone’s book
what, in fact, you’re presented with,
is nothing short of a triumph’

death by powerpoint

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

thanks for coming / please be seated

now – death does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited / death means all your paperwork’s completed / death be nimble, death be quick / death be colonel mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick / death is the opposite of whatever the hell this is / death means never having to do the dishes / worrying about where to put all the surplus oil / death is TOIL / time off in lieu / to you / I mean of life, of course / death is a no-legged horse / death is the death of strife / death is the cure for life / death means never falling asleep reading a heavyweight literary book / you’re off the hook / on vacation / death, the ultimate prevarication / where all your hours accrue like mold / death has put you on hold / an awkward pause, a longueur / death does NOT make the heart grow stronger / death is a Masonic lodge /where everyone knows the dodge / and swears allegiance / and thanks you for your perseverance / and you take your last breath and lie down in the basket / and you have one last question but can’t ask it / and they close the lid and sing a sad song / and finally you belong / because death is me and you, you and me / lots and lots for us never to see / from here to eternity / whichever comes sooner / death and the maiden, the baby boomer / and every other child that ever was born / death the dealer, death the skunk / death the comically desiccated monk / hung on a wall in a catacomb / death the cartoon / that works on every level / death the death of trouble / death means never paying for another overpriced ticket / or falling drunk in a bramble thicket / or playing cricket / you’ve pulled stumps / quit that shit / you’ve big time quit / you’re three feet under / what death has joined together let no man put asunder / death means never again feeling uneasy / queasy / or seeing one more goddamn film by Martin Scorsese / death means never riding another bike / or cab / or any new form of transport currently in development back in the lab / like a maglev train / or a teleporting brain / a driverless lorry / death means never having to say you’re sorry / death means never listening to a politician on the radio and then switching it off because you haven’t understood a word they’ve said / death is the longest you’ve ever stayed in bed / and then some / death is a loss of momentum / death is a complete absence of the enjoyment of avocado / death is incommunicado / a lack of bravado / or anything else for that matter / death is a no-food platter / death means never having a son and calling him Xavier / or saviour / which is a better rhyme / death is a surfeit of time / death is Quintus Fabius Maximus Verrucosus, the delayer / death is the world’s most prolific slayer / a whoreson betrayer of truths / and half-built roofs / or maybe it’s rooves / I’m not quite sure / anyway, death is a door / you’re either one side or the other / death is the world’s worst brother / who never, ever keeps in touch / death doesn’t care all that much / because death is basically lazy, crazy, a putz / death is totally kaputz / an absolute vacancy of Pizza huts / death means never again mistakenly ordering the stuffed crust / death, a loss of trust / death is a lockdown, lie-in, no-show / death is on the down-lo / but anyway, thanks for trying / death is buying / burying / death is boring / death is the blissful absence of snoring / death is the end to all philosophical endeavour / death has come to everyone in history who has ever been called Trevor / or Eve / or The Rt Hon Sir Nicholas St John Reeve / death wears its heart on its sleeve / as it dances forlornly with its sickle / death is the last remaining pickle / in a jar of brine / shining and divine / floating round a doughnut of time / death is a one way sign / death wants you to slow down a little / death is waiting for you at the hospital / so now, get you to my lady’s chamber / she’s scared to death and who can blame her

the mousetrap

~ jim clayton ~ 2 Comments

I needed a pot to put a cactus in / so I went out to the stack back of the compost bin / a smorgasbord of rubble / a heinous, grievous, Leaning Tower of Trouble / things I couldn’t think what to do with / but wasn’t quite through with / plastic trays and bamboo canes / a wheelbarrow with a flat tyre / rags of gardening attire / a destrung lyre / okay, I’m lying about the lyre / but you get the point / a half-assed recycling point / where the recycling had kinda slowed and slumped / and things just got dumped / until I’d built my very own pottery Shard of Shame / my Babel of Blame / an improvised, bastardised Monument to the Wrecked / and me, the feckless architect / still, a good place to look for a pot / even though it had rained a lot / and everything was soaking wet / I hurried outside to see what I could get

I thought I’d find a chinese cup / maybe I could clean it up / and it might just be exactly the thing / to put a spiny cactus in / so I moved things around some / restacked it on the ground some / until suddenly I found / three dead mice, drowned / their pink corpses bloated and rotten / in a container with no holes at the bottom / and I guessed / that’s where they must have made their nest / and when it rained and rained and did not stop / the container filled right up to the top / and the poor mice drowned / anyway, this is what I found

it was horrible / I felt terrible / if I’d just been a little better behaved / three innocent mice could’ve been saved

there was nothing else for it / I had to do something before the cat saw it / so I tipped out the noxious soup / depositing the tragic group / on the ground / then looked around / and found / the cracked top of a jardiniere / green with mould and beyond repair / and I thought that would make the perfect pottery mausoleum / so I put it on top so the cat wouldn’t see ‘em

I went out to the pile last night / the garden bright with moonlight / stood in the biting air with my hands in my pockets / and saw them, three little ghosts with eyeless sockets / turning their heads to sniff the air / smiling when they sensed me there / ‘never shake thy gory locks at me!’ I cried / screamed / ran back inside / put some (very small) obstacles against the door / what for / I’m not quite sure / and anyway / we’ve still got the cat

(would three ghost mice be scared of that?)

thanatocoenosis

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

please do NOT allow your carapace
to scratch the glass

thank you

now
gather round
look closely

tell me what you see

yes! excellent!

in fact, we think item A
was a communication device
detailed plotting
of the debris field
suggests the subject died
holding it to its face
mid-stride

Item B is the remains of
a head dress
probably protective
possibly ritual

Item C is a form of manufactured sac
worn on the back
for the conveyance of material
pertaining to the diurnal activities of the creature
too degraded to open now, of course
but careful examination with a tendril ray
has revealed a miscellany
of fascinating objects
organic, synthetic
not yet fully understood

Who can tell me about Item D?

anyone?

in fact, item B is a food wrapper
‘Dorito chips’
an index fossil
with a wide geographic distribution

on a lighter note
we think you’ll agree
the mandible fixed
in the open position like that
does lend the subject
a somewhat vacant aspect

yes?

there are many such fossils
in this biome
if you would like to learn more
follow the protocol, please
hold up your eye

the claw will find you

postmortem

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

I smell the badger before I see it / sprawled flat / on its back / in a bramble thicket / right by my boot

despite my revulsion / I have a compulsion / to witness the scene / so I part the brambles to get a better look

black and white fur laid out to the root / that fine spine / those whorls of ribs / teeth and skull / the whole machine / cruelly broken open / exposed to the rain / raw mortality / measured out in maggots / diptera / coleoptera / devout followers / hotly rolling in the hollow chamber of an eye

and suddenly I don’t want to be there / horribly aware / of the pattern of bones / in my boots / the rooks in the trees / the roots below / and I really have to go / get well away from there / and fill my lungs with cleaner air

alas, poor badgerIMG_1495
go, get you to the sett / tell them / let them eat a thousand worms /
to this favour they must come