incident on delta vega

cut to:

Delta Vega, planet of ice / that Kirk & Spock visited against advice / (Scottie has failed to beam them back twice)
they’re tied to a rock / bruised & shocked / up against the clock / shivering / acting tough but not delivering /
set phasers to defrost, says Kirk / with a smirk / just before a Drakoulia sets to work / with something like a giant spork / so totally brutally / that when Scottie / foul-mouthed and stroppily / checking his readings microscopically / chucks a handful of raw Trilithium / to jazz up his skanky tanks of Dilithium / and the transporter beams wail & warble / and the tractor beams treble & wobble / and the sliders redouble without any repetition of the earlier trouble / suddenly the transporter floor / is spattered with matter and assorted gore

the first lieutenant vomits into a bucket

fuck it, says Scottie / fetch us a mop / who’s next up for the captain’s job?


star trick

they tumble out of the ship
kirk does a forward roll
comes to a cat-like crouch
set phasers to defrost, he quips
scans the perimeter for ice trolls
spock recalibrates his pouch

kirk waves for a red shirt
to check out that cave
the red shirt isn’t happy
they never get badly hurt
he mutters, rolled into an early grave
this zero-interest contract’s pretty crappy

still, an order’s an order
he tiptoes forward warily
an ice troll leaps out
sinks its teeth into his shoulder
both flailing and hollering scarily
until kirk phases them out

he’s dead Jim, growls mccoy
prodding the smoking red shirt with his scanner
didn’t stand a chance
kirk looks annoyed
I don’t like this planet
tell the others to advance

shame. I kinda liked that trevor
he almost earned a regular spot
spock interjects: I believe the human was called dave
kirk sneers: lance, burt, linus, whatever
the point is, spock, he’s dead and we’re not
now – d’you suppose it’s safe to go in the cave?