The Hulk
lost a lot of bulk
on Noom
now he’s the rangiest superhero in the room
finally his pants fit
but please don’t mention it
you’ll only make him hangry
and you wouldn’t want that, frankly

Iron Man
cut himself on a tin can
got infected
the wound went undetected
and when Pepper Potts
finally got round to giving him shots
she found the damage way too frightening
so she packed him off for recycling

Dr Strange
went through the change
got hot flushes
wore his collar high to hide his blushes
went weepy walkabout
whenever he overheard the others talk about
his magical Cloak of Levitation
why SHOULDN’T he wear it to every occasion?

Spiderman
went absolutely hyper, man
flat out flipped
totally lost his grip
finally got squished
by a freelance entomologist
who posed for the national dailies outside
with a mask, a net and a can of insecticide

Thor
felt increasingly sore
sent his trusty Mjolnir
away for a smear
got a call from the lab
confirming what he guessed he had
a bad case of metal fatigue
he’d caught off someone in the Justice League