Oh what is that awful, mournful wailing
super-sorrowfully assailing
my trembling ears while I sit here waiting?
THE WARNINGS OF A TERRIBLE BANSHEE?
No – just our Stanley
Please ignore him
If you feed him early you’ll just reward him

For the love of God what’s that lamentation?
That woeful whimper-and-whine combination
disturbing my telephone conversation?
SOME TORTURED SUBTERRANEAN MONSTER?
No – just our lurcher
Don’t make eye contact
If he sees you looking he’ll think you’ve cracked

Holy Mary Mother of Jesus!
What is that keening so thin and grievous?
Merciful heaven won’t someone relieve us?
THE TEARS OF AN ARISTOCRAT OFF IN A TUMBRIL?
No – just our mongrel
It couldn’t be grimmer
There’s still at least an hour before dinner