just say no, suckers

Oi! Hands off the octopus!
The news today is a shock to us!
your plans for farming
are too alarming
very concerning
not what you might call life affirming

They look like aliens, super-intelligent
what they taste like with lemon completely irrelevant
calamari’s problematic
and at the risk of sounding dramatic
it’s like ordering takeaways
of fried professors in mayonnaise

Oi! Fork off the cephalopods!
Out from the Cambrian against the odds
suckering about for millions of years
from the Abyssal Plain to the Palace Pier
(although Brighton wasn’t a thing back then
it’s only been a resort since 1810)
and now this bleak and cruel decision
to cram their beaks in tanks like chickens

They’ve got 3 hearts! Blue blood!
Psychedelic skin like they’re swimming in drugs!
Brains like a water-based supercomputer!
Arses that work like an inky shooter!
Their value to science uncategorizable!
(just bad luck they’re deliciously fryable)