this goes out to all the guys
of what you might call a larger size
who love their life and want to show it
intrigued by fashion but don’t wanna blow it
so here are a few essential tips
and without further ado let’s get down to it

one: and this is my most important point
hold yourself like you own the joint
sure you’re bigger – what’s the beef?
chin up, smile, and give us some teeth
you’re exactly where you need to be
all you gotta do is show it to me

two: go for style & go for fit
sharp is smart – don’t be scared of it
there’s nothing better than a tailored cut
make suits your friend, no ifs no buts
(belts put bulges where ya waist is
so learn to utilise beautiful braces)

three: colour good, pattern bad
enormous flowers just make you look mad
you gotta learn to harmonise
to charm the heart and ease the eyes
how to blend? that’s the question
neutral colours for a classy impression

four: a fulsome beard is a noble pursuit
so long as you don’t go crazy hirsute
trim that sucker, keep it neat
a well-kept beard is a manly treat
and you balding geezers? (little cough)
call it quits and shave it off

five: remember – 13.8 billion years ago it all began
with lotsa nothing then a great big bang
then after millions of years of tedium
atoms of hydrogen and helium
the building blocks of everything
with gravity to stop them dissipating
until eventually it came to pass
stars were born from clouds of gas
oxygen, carbon, nitrogen
the fundamental origin
of everything you are and will ever be
so why try hide it with a baggy ass T?