this is a little difficult to talk about
but when I took Stanley walkabout
he unexpectedly squatted
and before I spotted
what was happening
he took a huge dump
like he was a monstrous, liquefied poo pump
or something
his tail a handle for vigorous pumping

oh no no no STANLEY! I cried
yanking a poo bag from inside
my jacket – but really what’s the point
a tsunami of shit all OVER the joint
splattering the vicinity outside a house
like someone criminally and liberally doused
the pavement in a reeking, faecal mousse
because they REALLY didn’t like the housse

but I couldn’t very well just shrug and say fuck it
I ought to go home and fetch a bucket

just at that moment the owner emerged
and stared at the mess poor Stanley had purged

I apologised profusely
that my dog voided so loosely
immediately outside such a lovely home
and what could I possibly do to atone?

don’t worry he said I’ll hose it down
there’s a lot of tummy bugs going round
our puppy was like it the other day
shit happens, man – what can I say?