Boris has called for a Number Ten reset
like it’s the Churchill patterned tea set
that’s stinking up the cabinet
sorry but I’m not having it
it wasn’t the conference table or the parquet floor
that wheeled suitcases of wine through the big black door
cynically dismissing and ignoring
all the lockdown rules they’d been imploring
the rest of the country to follow
and if that wasn’t hard enough to swallow
stood up and lied about it to parliament
and it certainly wasn’t the cute glass ornament
that prorogued the joint and lied to the Queen
and it wasn’t that laser operated TV screen
that zoomed in to protect its old friend Owen
by cancelling the rules he’d so patently broken
and not one of the roses in the rose garden
stood up and gave a televised pardon
to Cummings when he drove to Barnard Castle
and I’m pretty certain it wasn’t the gravel
and it wasn’t the elegant grandfather clock
that got all handsy with Hancock
or the antique front door bell
that ignored all the bullying and kept Patel
it wasn’t the armchair or the walnut settee
that slipped millions to friends for PPE
or the portraits on the wall going up the stairs
who lobbied for companies in which they had shares
it wasn’t the salt and pepper shaker
that blew £840 on some gold wallpaper
or the fine white coving on the ceiling
that missed half a dozen COBRA meetings
it’s not the building or furnishings
that’ve been constantly squirming and skirmishing
or that presentation silver-tiled box of Scrabble
that slandered Starmer with a word about Saville

this isn’t Disney’s Beauty and the Beast
(although Gove’s a spit for Gaston at least)
no – it’s a public building – that’s it
you can’t blame the furniture one little bit
the only reset THAT place wants
is a much more direct and urgent response
a crew that are all hygienically equipped
to bag up ’em all up and toss ’em in a skip